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BLOG 103: Celibacy, C-PTSD & Self Intimacy Tips

Sex, sex, sex.

My entire life revolved around sex even when I was a virgin and wasn’t even participating in the act!

Now that i’m sexually active (sorta) and have ALLLLL of this knowledge but unfortunately, I have no one to practice it with. Thankfully I have myself.

I can’t lie though, I have been craving intimacy with a partner like no other. Not sex! INTIMACY.

Intimacy can include eye gazing, tantric work with a partner, breathwork, soft touches with no penetration, the arousal of erogenous zones, the list is ENDLESS!

The best part is you don’t HAVE to have a partner to practice intimacy!

In fact, I’ve been practicing intimacy with myself for the past few months. Besides a good old masterbation session, i’ve been having mini dance parties, taking more baths, treating myself to a bomb skincare routine (thanks to Ethereal by Love Atiya), buying myself gifts and taking myself out on mini dates (this one is honestly something I do more in my head than in real life because i’ve been so busy, but it works wonders.)

In fact, as I write this, I'm planning a date for myself in my head! Maybe a vegan restaurant!?

I can’t lie, the lack of sex that i’m experiencing had me questioning myself like “maybe I’m being punished?” but no, I'm actually being saved.

Saved from heartbreak, STD’s, stress, BV, a change in my PH, saved from distractions etc.

My celibacy journey began as an accidental journey, I didn’t PLAN for this, it just kinda happened but it didn’t start to feel good until I made it become a choice.

My celibacy helped me become more discerning. Even if you’re sexually active with a partner I 100% recommending growing that intimate relationship with YOURSELF as well. Sure he or she or they can take you out but there’s something extra sexy about getting dressed up and taking yourself out.

I also realize that my C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) plays A HUGE role in my dating life.

C-PTSD is like PTSD except the main difference is the duration you’ve experienced the trauma.

For instance I experienced prolonged childhood trauma as well as a 3 year abusive relationship as an adult and have actively recognized the impact of this C-PTSD.

I’ve been SO impacted that I question if i’m even worthy of being in a relationship, this low vibrational thought showed me that there’s so much more intimacy and unconditional love to be found within myself.

Before writing this blog, I can’t lie, I was beating up on myself.

It just wasn’t making sense why I couldn’t love myself all the time 24/7 with no judgements.

It’s like yes, I know I’m a great person….but also AM I?

(Deep down I know I am….but do I really?)

So I decided to be transparent with you all, because self love is a journey and it is NOT linear.

Below are some ways I’m going to work on loving myself some more and creating more intimacy within.

Take myself out on a really good date.
Buy myself something I've been craving for a long time.
Buy myself flowers.
Book a solo trip for myself.
Treat myself to an experience (like the R&B Only concert I went to last week)
Read a book on intimacy and self love (I have suggestions i’ll include in next weeks episode)
Take it easy on myself.
Speak to myself more gently.
Have extra compassion for myself.
Write love letter to myself