Eye Gazing For Better Sex | MARCH 2024
HAPPY MARCH MY LOVES!
One of my favorite memories with a partner was exploring intimacy with my “friends with benefits” in 2021. It was something that was new to the both of us and was something I always wanted to express naturally but held back with other partners because honestly… not everyone can handle intimacy (especially when I was meeting these partners under the expectations of being “Friends with benefits” minus the friendship which then kind of also excluded the intimacy.)
Was it right? No but in my mind at the time “It was what it was.”
NOW that I am 2 years into my celibacy and have been able to reconfigure my wants, desires and turn ons. I realized one of the reasons I had such amazing sex with that ONE FWB was because we allowed each other to practice intimacy, the only problem was he thanked me for teaching him intimacy so he could use it on his future partner. I talk all about this on my podcast in episode 2.
Anywhooooo I know for a fact, since I’m demisexual I want to learn how I can share even more intimacy with my future partners and with myself and I think eye gazing is a great place to start.
According to this article from psychology today: “French researchers used functional magnetic resonance imagery (fMRI) to measure changes in blood flow through the amygdala, the area of the brain that processes emotions. Averted gazes had no impact on blood flow into the amygdala, but during eye gazing, it increased significantly.
Finally, mutual eye gazing also involves sharing undivided attention. In a world dominated by phones ringing, texts beeping, emails calling, and social media always beckoning, undivided attention is a special gift, one that many people find compelling.”
Sidenote: Can we normalize eye gazing with our friends as well? I totally believe in “platonic” intimacy in friendships.
Now for the TIPS for eye gazing:
Sit as comfortably as you can while facing your partner (whether it’s on a bed, couch or two chairs facing each other) to deepen the intimacy you can allow your knees or hands to touch.
Close your eyes and empty your mind as best as you can. Take about 10 slow, deep breaths. This mindful breathing can calm the nervous system and prepares you for enhanced intimacy.
Finally, reopen your eyes and look directly into your partner's eyes. No talking, just eye-gazing. Breathe slowly, mindfully and deeply. Feel free to blink. Smile. It’s normal to giggle or want to look away but the more you practice the more natural and comfortable you will feel. Take it easy on yourself and your partner.
If you want, you can set a timer for about 3-5 minutes, it’s your choice!
After those 3-5 minutes, close your eyes again, take another 10 deep cleansing breaths and then open your eyes, stand up and give your partner a huge hug.
Remember you can also do this by yourself with a mirror and end the session with hugging yourself.
I’m so excited to practice this on my own. The last time I tried to eye gaze with myself I had a moment of “wow, i’m really alive af” I might have even wanted to cry a little and it shook me LOL so i’m excited to do it again now that I have the tips and tools of the cleansing breaths PLUS I have a bit more confidence in my own connection with myself.
Let me know how it goes and if you love eye gazing or have had any special experiences with it.
A gentle reminder: You’re invited to Join The Love Club where we discuss all things sex, pleasure, intimacy, dating & more. Here we can connect more closely and have real conversations.
I love you to the moon!
Xoxo
Love Atiya
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