How To Feel More Pleasure

How To Feel More Pleasure

Why is pleasure a radical act?

Ethereal's tagline is “It’s more than an orgasm, It’s a movement”.

When the idea of “Ethereal Pleasure” first entered my mind I was solely focused on creating sex toys. I knew the exact toy I wanted to invent and just needed to figure out the steps to get there.

Eventually I went to school for this (yes, there’s a whole school dedicated to it) and thankfully this dream of making sex toys was crushed. If this dream hadn’t been broken down, I don’t know if the Ethereal Pleasure Oasis would even exist.

Now, although I say that my sex toy dream was crushed, it was really just divinely redirected.

After I went down rabbit holes upon rabbit holes and discovered the ins and outs of just how deeply rooted shame was within our entire society, I realized the mission was greater than helping women have more orgasms (although that is an absolute plus) but my goal became to help women feel pleasure unapologetically, in all aspects of their lives, because it’s a freaking BIRTHRIGHT. 

We were born with the right to feel pleasure.

So many women in my world, including myself, had forgotten this and were walking around this world so pleasureless. Living pleasureless lives, making pleasureless connections and pleasureless decisions. 

When you don’t know you’re in it, it’s like a continuous loop of displeasure and dis-ease, which eventually leads to auto immune dysregulations, diseases (from the dis-ease), cancer, depression, anxiety, etc.

When a wild woman is domesticated into a life without pleasure, she can be utterly consumed by the pain.

If you’re here, it means you no longer want to be consumed and that in itself makes me so proud of you.

Now, I think it’s important that we first get familiar with what pleasure even is.

pleasure

noun

plea·​sure ˈple-zhər  ˈplā- 

Synonyms of pleasure

: DESIRE, INCLINATION

wait upon his pleasure

—William Shakespeare

: a state of gratification

: sensual gratification

: frivolous amusement

: a source of delight or joy

pleasure

verb

pleasured; pleasuring ˈplezh-riŋ  ˈplāzh-; ˈple-zhə-, ˈplā-

transitive verb

: to give pleasure to : GRATIFY

: to give sexual pleasure to

Isn't it so interesting that the William Shakespear quote used to describe pleasure states “wait upon his pleasure”? I left this in there as once again another gentle reminder of how women are taught to WAIT or base their pleasure off of a man's pleasure even all the way back in the times of freaking SHAKESPEAR. Yuck.

When you look up the opposite of the word pleasure you get really sad results and that’s how I like to think about life as well. 

Life with shame surrounding pleasure is simply a really saddening existence. This is the kind of life society hopes you choose. This is the kind of life that keeps the pharmaceutical companies in business, this is the kind of life that keeps tides coming in the churches.

Instead of providing tools and safe spaces where women can soothe their dis-ease, discomfort, pain, dissatisfaction and fear, it is easier for “them” (the patriarchy) to keep us bound in shame, feeling like we’re unable to move beyond it.

It’s in the weight loss commercials, it’s in the social media posts that push fear into our psyche and it’s in the movies and tv we watch that shows us what’s “acceptable” and what’s not when it comes to the patriarchies standards.

In my workbook Unashamed, I give a full breakdown about how colonization and patriarchal views have an invisible (and somewhat very visible) chokehold on women and our pleasure, because it’s one of the most powerful things to ever exist on the planet.

Have you even seen a woman feeling the utmost joy, unapologetically? She is a FORCE. She can’t be stopped and that is NOT what society wants more of.

They don’t want more women who will advocate for themselves. No, in order for their jacked up plan to work, we have to stay silent.

They don’t want a woman who’s going to ask for what she wants. No, in the eyes of a patriarchal system, she should be content with what she’s given and shouldn’t feel comfortable asking for anything.

There’s a reason why men were putting leeches (yes the blood sucking parasitic slugs) on women's vulva back in the day to curb their sexual desires. It wasn’t because the male doctors saw a woman in excruciating sexual pain and wanted to relieve her. It was because they saw a wild woman, an uncontrollable woman, a woman who was tapped into her desires and her power and they needed to do everything they could, no matter how diabolical, to make women believe our pursuit of pleasure was wrong and was deserving of punishment.

Even if you had the most pleasure positive experiences growing up in life, that shame is still embedded in the DNA that was passed down from your ancestors.

This same exact DNA is also jam packed with energy from warriors who fought for sensuality when it was seen as a crime. It’s packed with the energy from powerful deities, witches, energy workers and healers. It holds within it the ferocity of women who will not quit and women who will not forget.

By now you already know the story of my mom buying me my first vibrator at the age of 16 but what’s super important about that moment is how much my mom destigmatized pleasure for me. She broke the spell of the patriarchy that I didn’t even know I was in.

She told me, young boys are often taught to explore pleasure within themselves because “boys will be boys” and little johnny is expected to jerk off in the bathroom for an hour and while his family is in the other room making light hearted jokes about it. All while young girls are taught that pleasure and sexual exploration is shameful and wrong and something to be embarrassed of. If the word pleasure literally has phrases like “delight of joy” in the definition, why are young women not allowed or encouraged to feel this unless it has something to do with the sexual gratification of a man?

It’s because of that power that YOU have within.

Remember earlier when I mentioned the women from our past who are working behind the scenes to make sure that we don’t forget? Yeah, that’s where our power lies. Our power lies in remembering, which then helps us in unconditioning ourselves from beliefs that only tried to sever but never served us.

What are some ways we can remove the shame around pleasure? 

1. We can become more intimate in our lives in general. Creating more intimate connections with friends and more intimate connections with our lives. 

2. How can we become more intimate with ourselves? We can identify what pleasure FEELS like to us. What IS actually pleasurable for you?

3. We can do the things that make us feel pleasurable feelings, while staying away from things that make us feel shameful or less intimate.

4. We can get curious about our exploration with pleasure. How many things in life can you find that bring you the utmost pleasure?

5. We can practice showcasing our pleasure unapologetically. I used to think of my pleasure like my happiness; I wanted to hide it from the world because I didn’t want anyone to steal it, be envious of it or take it away. Now?! I am finding new ways to experience pleasure out loud and create a more intimate relationship with life as a whole.

Once your inner movement begins, which it has by you being here, the rest can be as fun as you make it and if you need some advice, I say, make it as fun as possible.

Wanna Go Deeper?

Dive into my Ethereal Pleasure Library for step-by-step pleasure tips, journal prompts, video courses, and an audio library designed to help you unlearn, unwind, and unleash your pleasure.

With love and vegan lube,

Xoxo, Love Atiya

Pleasure Educator | Founder of The Ethereal Pleasure Oasis

I love you to the moon and beyond!

Blog: How To Feel More Pleasure